i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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