I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
