You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
