3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
