the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
