K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
