I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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