I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Don't make out with my wife yet
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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