I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
