Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
