She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
