He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
