i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
