he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
