Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
