So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
