3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
