Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
