the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
