what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
