I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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