I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
