that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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