Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i am craving dick and cupcakes
soo... how was my night?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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