If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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