I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
