On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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