imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
