don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
