Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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