It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
