All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
