the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
