weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
