paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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