I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
