I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
