Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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