You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
