ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
