Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
