I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
