I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
