so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
