Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
