i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
