They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
