so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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