yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
