ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
