He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
