Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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