How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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