remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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